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Being Your own Man

Let’s not shit ourselves, being in a relationship in campus means “something”. Don’t believe me? Do this: walk around school on your own.  Now, walk around again, this time with a Minaj by your side. Notice the difference? Good.  

I have been single for quite a long time now, a decade to be precise. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I’ve never been in a relationship to start with. I honestly never thought I would make it this far but alas! I do not regret having stayed single for this long neither am I proud of it. Let’s just say, I’m that okay with it. And leave it that.

One might wonder why I’m feeling indifferent about it but the truth is I don’t even know. My life is fun. I have crazy friends. I have crazy experiences, willingly and unwillingly. I normally secure the bag, take up new challenges and still do appreciate and live in the moments that come my way.  Basically, everyday to me is a new chapter with a lot of possibilities, expectations and definitely disappointments.

Nonetheless, I do get lonely at times and wonder, “Would I be better off with a special girl in my life and in my heart?” Yes, human beings are social beings and yes, I do have emotions. Funny thing is, I do not act according to this (lonely) emotion.

I might try and flirt around with a lady or two or fake love as I like to call it, but that’s as far as it goes. The thought of committing does not cross my mind. Yes, there are ladies who soften me up and break all the walls surrounding my heart. When this situation occurs, I normally isolate myself from these angels. 

According to me, I cannot commit because I am yet to become my own man. I am majorly financed by my parents. Without them, I cannot sustain the life I live. Therefore, I am only entitled to think about a relationship once I am financially independent. Till then, I believe, I should enjoy all that the single life has to offer.

Recently, a colleague told me that I am afraid of commitment. At first, I did not agree but after he explained further, I was in agreement with him. His argument was that I am not ready to explain myself to anyone. I do not want to talk about how I do what exactly it is that I do. I do not want to explain my choices, my convictions and, the most annoying, my whereabouts. 

If I were to get into a relationship, I would be forced to make decisions that will be best for both of us (my girlfriend and I), and if I didn’t, I would have to explain my actions to her. Ladies want a guy who listens to them and takes their two cents. A woman is highly pleased when a man does her bidding. Maybe, it is in this way that they feel respected, valued and loved .

It is this aspect of meeting another’s expectations which (I believe) is hindering me from being in a relationship. I am sure that I will still do things my way regardless of how much I am persuaded to do otherwise. My girlfriend will be forced to keep her two cents and take her own advice (Sremmlife!).

Honestly, I love pleasing myself (no, not like that, you dirty mind!). I am happy and content in making decisions that are good for me and only me. I cannot deny that some of the choices I have made have contributed heavily in ensuring my life is out of order but there are others  that have built me in ways words cannot describe.   

Yes, I would really love to have perfect order and perspective in my life but I would rather stumble across it along the way rather than have it imposed on me in the form of a relationship.

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