If you’re reading this, then it’s not 2016.
Last week on Thursday, in typical end of the year fashion, I started psyching myself for the New Year. You know, ‘New Year, New Me’. 2016 was practice, 2017 is game time. That kind of thing.
In between double tapping and screenshotting motivational quotes on Instagram which made me feel like I’m on the verge of greatness, I took a moment to contemplate when my kick off would be. Turned out, I was only three days away from 2017. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think 2017 would come so soon. I felt like I still needed more time to waste before cleaning up my act.
I ended up giving up most of my resolutions because, who was I kidding? I’ll still be the same person I was the previous year. If 2017 was going to be a different year then I’d have to build on who I was already in 2016.
When you’re young, you dream a lot. A consequence of too much TV maybe; too many cartoons and even more film. The garbage on the idiot box has us believing that TV is an accurate representation of real life. That, real life mimics TV and not the other way round.
So we grow up waiting and dreaming of that moment when life takes a 360 turn. When you wake up in the morning and you don’t feel like you’re picking up from where you left yesterday. When everyday feels like a movie. A brand new movie.
But things don’t happen that way. With time you realize that life is more of a series. Sure, there’ll be movie moments but most of the time you’re seeing and talking to the same people (not necessarily the same faces). Hanging in the same places (not necessarily the same location), doing the same thing. Again and again. And again.
For me, my life is a comedy drama that’s mainly shot at 2 locations. Home and school. And to some extent, I hate it (the predictability that is). But, weirdly enough, I still love it. Because of my phlegmatic personality.
I don’t like meeting new people. It’s not that I don’t like people because I do. I love people. Meeting new people is an interesting and refreshing experience. But, here’s the thing, I don’t trust people. People are evil. No, I’m not generalizing. We’re all born inherently evil. And, in some people, the evil outweighs the good.
So yes, I don’t like being around people.
Unfortunately, you can’t go through this life without meeting people. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, paths must cross. Sometimes the people we cross paths with stick around. Other times they leave. And that’s the part I hate, when people leave. And by people leaving, I’m not talking about anyone and everyone. Here, I’m only referring to the beautiful souls. The one’s that brighten your day and rekindle your faith in humanity.
Last semester was one of the hardest for me. Shit got real. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t going to see a number of people again. Ever since I got here, campus, I thought this was forever. I thought I had finally made it to Neverland. I thought I was Peter Pan.
Thinking that time had stood still, I embarked on writing my name in the history books of party rocking. And partying I did. If only I had a dollar for every night I spent in the campus local grinding myself on women’s gyrating behinds then… never mind.
Unfortunately, the sun hadn’t stood still all this time. In fact, it never does. If it did, weddings and funerals would last forever.
By the time I came to this realization three years were gone. Gone with the wind. And so, I hurriedly picked up the pieces left after all the atrocities I had committed. Problem is, I felt like I was running out of time. The day of reckoning was too close for me to make an overhaul change and I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe life was about happen and there was nothing I could do about it.
Not knowing how the hell I could stop the inevitable, I went berserk. I over did things. The wrong things.
My tantrum wasn’t enough to compel the sun to have mercy on me. It still rose. And set. Unapologetically.
And, yet again, another semester came to an end.
It was my ninth semester; last semester. I still have more to go. Like this whole year long. But for most of the people I enrolled with, it was their last. Some of these people were my friends. Good friends. We used to hang out a lot. We experienced seasons together. I never thought a day would come when I won’t see them. In this show, which is my life, they were regulars. But life, the director, decided to boot them out. Most of them.
Because I’ve been in this position, many times before, in five different high schools. I didn’t promise anyone that I’d keep in touch. I’d be lying. We’re all swallowed by the world and our own worlds eventually.
I know that from here on out we’ll be reduced to seeing each other on social media. Where, if they’re active users, they’ll offer me a chance of watching their lives unfold. And even in a world full of Wi-Fi and Unliminet, some will fall off the grid. We’ll never see or hear from each other again.
But, I’m also sure, I’ll meet some of them. Days, weeks, months, years from now, our paths will cross again. And when we meet, for a split second, it will feel like old times.
But it won’t be the same. Time won’t allow it. I’ll be different. They’ll be different. Everything will be different. And that’s not the worst part.
The worst is that they’ll come back to my life not as regulars but as special guests. For one episode only.
And I will be perfectly ok with it.